He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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