hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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