my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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