I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
