Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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