Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize