I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
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