do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
