that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
