I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
