There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
