so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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