Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
