I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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