I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
