Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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