I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
pop tarts are not kleenex
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
