Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
