I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize