Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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