he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize