I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
