You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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