the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
