i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Randomize
