He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
