I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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