I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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