it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize