There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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