Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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