I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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