my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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