Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
