All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
