i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
