I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
