I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
