I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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