Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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