i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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