How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
