What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
