i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize