Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have aggressive nipples.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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