I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
