it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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