mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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