Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
