dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
