I hate your face
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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