Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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