Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
