My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I forget how to act sober
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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