I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
