There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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