Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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