and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The power of my boobs compel you
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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