Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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