For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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