Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
