I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
