I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
