Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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