shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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