do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
