Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
