Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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