and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
