She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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