I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
